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carissa318

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PostSubject: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 1:01 pm

I'm so distraught...I found out my husband been cheating on me. do any of you have advice on how to get through this? I know I don't post much...i'm just really shy
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ebowers
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 1:48 pm

carissa318 wrote:
I'm so distraught...I found out my husband been cheating on me. do any of you have advice on how to get through this? I know I don't post much...i'm just really shy


I just want to say that I am sorry you have to go through this in the first place, carissa. I am thinking about women I know who have been in your position and I think you hold your head up high and go on with the help of wonderful girlfriends and loving, supportive family around you. Good luck, carissa.
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gluedtothepc
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 1:49 pm

I'm so sorry, carissa! I'm no expert, so I'll throw some thoughts out there and those who are wiser and/or more experienced with this than I can chime in. I can only guess that you are in shock and kind of reeling from the information!

First, I'm guessing there's definite evidence he cheated or you wouldn't have posted - you need to be definite about this. Second, do you have children? Because that weighs in with my third question, which is what do you want to do with this information and with this relationship? If he is sorry and got help to work on your marriage, would you love him enough to want to stay in it? If cheating is an absolute for you and you would no longer want to be married, there are some things you might need to do from a legal standpoint to better position yourself before you let on to him that you know and/or might want a divorce, particularly financially and possibly through documentation.

This is where my advice gets a little fuzzy, but hopefully there's someone you can ask for legal advice that you trust, or at the very least, google for information that seems to come from a reliable source. I hope others here have more experience in dealing with this than I do so that they can help you more, but let me just say that I'm sorry this is happening to you because you don't deserve it (no one does)!!

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carissa318

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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 1:56 pm

gluedtothepc wrote:
I'm so sorry, carissa! I'm no expert, so I'll throw some thoughts out there and those who are wiser and/or more experienced with this than I can chime in. I can only guess that you are in shock and kind of reeling from the information!

First, I'm guessing there's definite evidence he cheated or you wouldn't have posted - you need to be definite about this. Second, do you have children? Because that weighs in with my third question, which is what do you want to do with this information and with this relationship? If he is sorry and got help to work on your marriage, would you love him enough to want to stay in it? If cheating is an absolute for you and you would no longer want to be married, there are some things you might need to do from a legal standpoint to better position yourself before you let on to him that you know and/or might want a divorce, particularly financially and possibly through documentation.

This is where my advice gets a little fuzzy, but hopefully there's someone you can ask for legal advice that you trust, or at the very least, google for information that seems to come from a reliable source. I hope others here have more experience in dealing with this than I do so that they can help you more, but let me just say that I'm sorry this is happening to you because you don't deserve it (no one does)!!

we do have 3 kids
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simple
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 2:07 pm

Carrisa, I am sorry that your husband has cheated on you. I don't have the best advice, but I will give you my thoughts.

If you and your husband wants to work it out, then try to work it out.
If you are not sure then just be honest and say you don't know at this time.
If you are done, then you are done.


all 3 options take a lot of work, confusion, and pain.


again I am sorry and this is not a reflection on you but a reflection on him.

hugs
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gluedtothepc
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 2:16 pm

Oh, that makes this whole thing even harder for you! How I hate this for you! I wish I was an attorney who could give you some good 'off the record' advice, but even if you don't think you'd want to divorce him, I'd strongly advise talking to a divorce expert about ways to protect yourself, given your unique situation (who is the breadwinner, how are assets allocated/handled in your marriage, what kind of proof you might be advised to get about the affair before he knows that you know, and even though this sounds so crass, that you make sure you are protected from any kind of disease he might expose you to...I'm sorry to even type that, but you have to look out for yourself and your kids right now while you sort all of this out).

Since you are probably so overwhelmed emtionally right now, you need someone you can trust to reason things out for you and help you make a plan of action for how you want to handle this devastating news! And if you literally just found this out this weekend, maybe you can tell him you need him to watch the kids and take at least an afternoon away, or an overnight trip by yourself to give yourself time to process this bombshell, before you talk to a divorce attorney or counselor even. Do whatever it takes to help you get your emotions out on your own, so you can think as clear-headedly as possible moving forward about what it is YOU want to do.
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KayS
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 2:22 pm

I am so sorry you are going thru this carissa. Here is a site I found that may help.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/reconcile_musts.asp

There seem to be a lot of forums where people share their experiences.
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Cousin_Jake
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 2:34 pm

I'm so sorry Carissa. I'm sure that your experiencing emotional turmoil right now ranging from rage to despair but give yourself some time to think things through. I don't know your circumstances but I agree that it might help to discuss what you're going through with a neutral party.
Stay strong girl.
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Nancy AABB Admin
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 10th 2012, 4:49 pm

I am so sorry you have to go through this.
It's old and corny and from Ann Landers.... but she said to ask yourself
"Are you better off with him or without him."?

If you think you are better off with him, and still love him and he is willing, then yes... try to stay together. Many couples get though this.

Now if you are going to be miserable and make his life miserable, then it's just not healthy to stay.
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gluedtothepc
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 11th 2012, 7:26 am

Carissa, I hope you're doing okay today - just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you!

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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 13th 2012, 3:17 pm

Ugh what terrible news. I just want you to know that there is a light at the end of this horrible shit of a tunnel you're currently going through. My mom went through this when I was 17 (I'm the youngest of 3). They were married 27 years, but they're both a lot happier now.

How old are your kids? I hope for your sake they're older. I also hope you have family/close friends nearby to help you get through this.
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Lori
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PostSubject: Re: cheating husband   June 14th 2012, 5:01 pm

I am so sorry carissa. Have you talked to your husband about this?
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