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mimTN
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 5:01 am

KelliM wrote:
blueeyed wrote:
I have spent my first day and night at home. I'm sad as hell, and exhausted but am proud of myself for being able to be here. Some of Dan's friends came over today just to hang-out in the game room (3rd bedroom) where they would just hang and play xbox. It was hard because I just wanted to be left alone, but in the long run I think it helped. So far, so good. Tomorrow I think I'm going to get up early and get out and about.

I'm so glad his friends are there for you and I'm proud of you for surviving your first day and night at home!!!

Thanks for checking in with us!!! Hug wrap up in arms



yes, to all of that and I bet being there helped his friends so much as well.
Hug wrap up in arms
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Maureen
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 6:26 am

blueeyed wrote:
I have spent my first day and night at home. I'm sad as hell, and exhausted but am proud of myself for being able to be here. Some of Dan's friends came over today just to hang-out in the game room (3rd bedroom) where they would just hang and play xbox. It was hard because I just wanted to be left alone, but in the long run I think it helped. So far, so good. Tomorrow I think I'm going to get up early and get out and about.

(((((((((((((((((((Blue))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 6:47 am

Blueeyed, I am so proud of you and I know that took strength and courage. I hope today goes well. Will be thinking of you.

Hug wrap up in arms
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KayS
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 6:53 am

It's wonderful how his friends are rallying around you! Had to be a really hard day for you. Continued prayers for you.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 6:57 am

Oh Blueeyed, my heart aches for you. It's touching that Dan's friends were trying to support and comfort you and maybe just being near you was comforting for them.
Sometimes getting out and just being around other people who don't know you or the pain you're going through can be a blessing.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 8:25 am

Blueeyed (((HUGS)))
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 9:48 am

cheek kiss
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 10:09 am

blue, one day at a time, just keep breathing girl
Hug wrap up in arms

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 12:32 pm

Blueeyed, the fact that you're here and reaching out tells me how incredible you are doing. I hope today goes well for you. You have been in my thoughts and prayers though out. Hug wrap up in arms
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 28th 2011, 1:05 pm

Blue, your strength amazes me. Hug wrap up in arms

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 29th 2011, 1:20 pm

Just getting caught up with everything this weekend, and I came across this news...my heart is crying for you, I lit a candle for you this weekend. I hope you can feel the thoughts and prayers from everyone, even those of us that you don't know.

My son lost his gf in high school, she spent as much time at our house as her own. I know its not the same, but my son sure changed after that, lost that invincible feeling they have as teenagers and young adults. Its been 6 years, and he still visits Iris when he needs to talk to someone. Your son will always be there in your memories, and to talk to when you need someone to just listen.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 29th 2011, 7:17 pm

Blueeyed ..... thinking of you through this worst of times. Words fail in the face of such loss, but would offer an Irish anonymous saying which has always stuck with me:

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves memories no
one can steal

Know the memories are wonderful .......




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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 29th 2011, 9:04 pm

blueeyed Hug wrap up in arms I am thinking of you daily.

Thanks to all of you who have shared the wonderful memories of your kids.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 29th 2011, 9:43 pm

Blue you are constantly in my thoughts, prayers and on my heart.
I am amazed and your strength and please know that I continue to be here for you if there is anything at all I can do.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 29th 2011, 9:49 pm



thinking of you,

cheek kiss
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 30th 2011, 9:50 pm

Hi everyone, just checking in. I had a bad couple of days, better today so I took advantage of it and got out and took care of some things. I'm trying to honor my son and find a way to be happy, that is all he wanted for me, was to be happy.

I'm going away for the weekend to a childhood place I spent my summers. I'm hoping I will finally be able to just let go without having to worry about anyone else.

Anyway, today was a good day. Thanks everyone for thinking of me, believe it or not you all are keeping me going.
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bergen
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 30th 2011, 10:03 pm

Hug wrap up in arms
i hope you can find some peace this weekend.
thinking and keeping you in my prayers
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 30th 2011, 11:03 pm

I'm glad you got out today!! I'm so glad you're letting us know how you're doing.

My offer stands open to you to call me whenever you need to talk, whether it's a bad day or a good day. I would love to hear from you. I know where you're at and I know how hard it is.

I'm sending you continued hugs and prayers. Hug wrap up in arms
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 30th 2011, 11:49 pm

More ((((hugs)))) to you, blueeyed! I'm glad we can help when you need us. Kiss of Love

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 7:41 am

cheek kiss
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Moody
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 7:48 am

blueeyed wrote:
Hi everyone, just checking in. I had a bad couple of days, better today so I took advantage of it and got out and took care of some things. I'm trying to honor my son and find a way to be happy, that is all he wanted for me, was to be happy.

I'm going away for the weekend to a childhood place I spent my summers. I'm hoping I will finally be able to just let go without having to worry about anyone else.

Anyway, today was a good day. Thanks everyone for thinking of me, believe it or not you all are keeping me going.

Amazing you were able to get out and take care of some things. Thank YOU for sharing your good day with us. Reading your thread always keeps my head on what is important in life, how each person behind their computer screen is a real human with real feelings, often which include a great deal of pain. group hug
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 8:16 am

I hope this weekend brings you peace. Thinking of you.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 8:18 am

blueeyed wrote:
Hi everyone, just checking in. I had a bad couple of days, better today so I took advantage of it and got out and took care of some things. I'm trying to honor my son and find a way to be happy, that is all he wanted for me, was to be happy.

I'm going away for the weekend to a childhood place I spent my summers. I'm hoping I will finally be able to just let go without having to worry about anyone else.

Anyway, today was a good day. Thanks everyone for thinking of me, believe it or not you all are keeping me going.

Hugs to you! I hope you find some measure of peace at your summer place. I continue to keep you in my prayers.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 9:36 am

((((((((((((Hugs to you)))))))))))))))))

Please continue to let us know how you are doing. I think of you often!

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 9:46 am

Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you're doing Blueeyed.
Please know that we are all thinking of you.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 11:38 am

blueyed thank you so much for letting us know how you are doing. I hope you have a peaceful weekend and I continue to keep you in my thoughts.

Hug wrap up in arms

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 11:41 am

I hope for good things in your life ahead, like you said your son would want that for you. We will be here for you.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   August 31st 2011, 12:37 pm

Blueeyed - I haven't been able to post until now, but you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please continue to let us know how you are doing! We all care about you!

Hug wrap up in arms
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 1st 2011, 12:44 pm

Thanks everyone for letting me have a place to go. Its hard sometimes trying to keep it together for everyone else, I feel like I can really let go here.

Yesterday was a bad, bad day. My son had been arrested about 6 months ago and yesterday I went to court to have his case dismissed. It was the last thing I could do for him. I left the courthouse in tears. I then had to go take him off my car insurance so it was a pretty finalistic (sp?) day. I was able to spend a little bit of time at home, but once it got dark I needed to leave. I'm not sure when I will be able to move home permanently.
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Mappy
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 1st 2011, 1:16 pm

Oh Blue. It's so difficult. One day at a time. I'm hugging you right now. Wish it could be real <3
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 1st 2011, 1:17 pm

blueeyed wrote:
Thanks everyone for letting me have a place to go. Its hard sometimes trying to keep it together for everyone else, I feel like I can really let go here.

Yesterday was a bad, bad day. My son had been arrested about 6 months ago and yesterday I went to court to have his case dismissed. It was the last thing I could do for him. I left the courthouse in tears. I then had to go take him off my car insurance so it was a pretty finalistic (sp?) day. I was able to spend a little bit of time at home, but once it got dark I needed to leave. I'm not sure when I will be able to move home permanently.



I'm sorry yesterday was a bad day for you. Babysteps is all anyone can or should expect from you right now. One moment at a time.



I hope you call me soon!! I would love to talk to you.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 1st 2011, 2:04 pm

Blueeyed, I'm so sorry about your bad day. I hope you start having more good days very soon, but they will come in time. You are still in my thoughts.

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 1st 2011, 2:17 pm

((((((((((((blueeyed))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry, so very sorry. .
keeping you in my thoughts.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 1st 2011, 4:58 pm

I am sorry you had such a bad day. I wish you were right in front of me so I could give you a big hug!!!! Hang in there!
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 2nd 2011, 2:19 am

Blueeyed!

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 2nd 2011, 7:26 am

blueeyed wrote:
Thanks everyone for letting me have a place to go. Its hard sometimes trying to keep it together for everyone else, I feel like I can really let go here.

Yesterday was a bad, bad day. My son had been arrested about 6 months ago and yesterday I went to court to have his case dismissed. It was the last thing I could do for him. I left the courthouse in tears. I then had to go take him off my car insurance so it was a pretty finalistic (sp?) day. I was able to spend a little bit of time at home, but once it got dark I needed to leave. I'm not sure when I will be able to move home permanently.

Oh gosh, that sounds like a wretched day. I can't begin to say I know what you must be feeling, because like you said, it is a mother's worst nightmare, but I can relate to things feeling worse as night kicks in.

Who do you have to "keep it together" for? I can't imagine trying to keep it together in this time of unimaginable grief. I just couldn't. I think about you every day. I hope you have had a chance to correspond with KelliM and Cindy.. no rush, I just think you need to be around people and talk to people who have suffered this unimaginable grief.

Thank you for keeping us in your world. I don't care what anyone says about "internet friends" the few that I have and trust here on AABB have kept me going during dark times.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 2nd 2011, 12:34 pm

My personality is one of a loner. I have no problem being alone, my general routine was to go to work and go home, watch TV and come to AABB. About 4 or 5 years ago I made a huge change in my life and got rid of pretty much all of my friends. (I had a very good reason). I can get depressed pretty easily. My family's (and friends and mine) biggest concern is that I crawl into bed and never come out. So a lot of people are worried about me.

My mom is distraught over her grandson and worried beyond belief about me. My mom has always been my angel (oh lord she would never believe I would say that about her lol) She is one that I'm trying to keep it together for. I received several calls a day from people. I just want people to know I'm going to be ok. I have terrible moments during the day, but when I'm around people its so much easier, so I'm trying not to be alone.

So once the loner, now (trying) to be the people person.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 2nd 2011, 12:45 pm

I think it may help to be around people. Even though you probably have to work hard to hold it together around them, it probably helps them just to see you and in a small way it might be a bit of a distraction for you.
I know that there's no avoiding cycling through the pain, rage and numbness but many of us think of you and what you're going through every day and just wish we could comfort you in some small way.
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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 2nd 2011, 6:17 pm

Hug wrap up in arms

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PostSubject: Re: Blueeyed   September 2nd 2011, 6:54 pm

blueeyed wrote:
My personality is one of a loner. I have no problem being alone, my general routine was to go to work and go home, watch TV and come to AABB. About 4 or 5 years ago I made a huge change in my life and got rid of pretty much all of my friends. (I had a very good reason). I can get depressed pretty easily. My family's (and friends and mine) biggest concern is that I crawl into bed and never come out. So a lot of people are worried about me.

My mom is distraught over her grandson and worried beyond belief about me. My mom has always been my angel (oh lord she would never believe I would say that about her lol) She is one that I'm trying to keep it together for. I received several calls a day from people. I just want people to know I'm going to be ok. I have terrible moments during the day, but when I'm around people its so much easier, so I'm trying not to be alone.

So once the loner, now (trying) to be the people person.

I know exactly what mean about being a loner. It was just me and my son for 19 yrs and when you have a family, you tend to lose track of friends and socializing with them.

It helps when you have to be strong for others. It keeps us from falling apart. My parents were so concerned about me that I had to keep being strong for them. It will get you thru these early days. Just remember, you have alot of people you can turn to when you need it. You can vent and show all your emotions to us, and we will listen and offer you whatever you need.

I know you're gonna be ok. We're survivors and we have to be ok because our sons wouldnt want it any other way.

I have a list of a few books that may help, along with some info about the compassionate friends, that I told you about earlier. If you are in a larger area, they probably meet monthly. They also have some social events for parents. No one understands truly other than parents who have suffered the same kind of loss. They are just like us. They don't want to just sit around and cry together, although I'm sure there are times when that happens. They get tired of the tears and try to have some fun.

Please call whenever you're ready. My offer will always be there for you. Night or day. Hug wrap up in arms
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